I really didn't see this coming. The Miami Dolphins, who many national pundits picked to go to the Super Bowl, resemble the disaster that hit Buffalo two weeks ago (the Snowstorm, not the Bills-Lions game). I was just at a B.P.H.A. meeting (Believing the Preseason Hype anonymous) the other day about this.
Me: Hi everyone, my name is Brendan and I bought into the Dolphins preseason hype.
Crowd: Hi Brendan. (Murmurs of..yeah pick a number pal).
Me: I thought I wasn't going to be one of those guys that bought into what everyone was saying about the Dolphins....
Moderator: Go on.
Me: I mean, Daunte Culpepper was a solid QB in Minnesota and they did win 6 in row to end last season.
Moderator: Oh Brendan, the first step to recovery is admitting you bought the hype. Remember, the Dolphins beat 6 lousy teams at the end of last season including Oakland, Tennessee, and your equally lousy Bills. National pundits usually hop on each others bandwagons and don't know what they say.
Me: But, shouldn't those national guys be smarter than this.
Moderator: Seriously, what wrong with you man!!!! You know just as much as those guys. Deep down, you knew the Dolphins would be crappy. After all, your former coach, Mike Mularky is running the Dolphins offense. Besides, isn't there some kind of law that guys who live in the Buffalo area aren't allowed to say anything nice about Miami.
Me: You're right. I see the error of my ways. Where do I go from here?
Moderator: Use your own insight to do your predictions and please never pick the Dolphins for anything again. Who's next...number 17,987 are you here?
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
Forecasting the NFL Season
Bloggin' wondering whatever happened to me doing this once a week. What a freakin' slacker? How hard is it to make up crap about sports once a week. Ok, so I've been a bit lazy, but I'm coming back strong today....
Do you smell that? No, not the three day old Meatloaf in the fridge…the other smell. Yes, my friends, that is the smell of football season. Time to forget the yard work, the leaky faucet, and the dirty garage. That stuff can all wait until after the Super Bowl (if not longer).
Since I don't have the time to be a fantasy football player and let's face it, neither of us will see every game this year, let me tell you how the season will go.
AFC East
1- Miami
2- New England
3- Buffalo
4- NY Jets
The Dolphins will have a solid season if Daunte Culpepper stays up right on his surgically repaired knee. He has great skills players around him too. Look for WR Chris Chambers to have a banner year and RB Ronnie Brown to establish himself as one of the best backs in the NFL. The Patriots have lost too many players in the off-season to reclaim their throne. The Bills may surprise people…remember the Rams and Pats were in the toilet the year before they won the Super Bowl. The Jets just down right stink. They may win a few games by accident.
AFC North
1- Pittsburgh
2- Baltimore
3- Cincinnati
4- Cleveland
The Steelers are the champs until proven otherwise. If Big Ben is fully recovered from his accident and the loss of his appendix, the Steelers may actually have a better season that last year. I'm a huge fan of Steve McNair and think moving to the Ravens will allow him to return to his old form. The Bengals will drop off despite the MVP season that Carson Palmer will have. There are not enough Chico's Bail Bonds locations in Cincy to make them a title contender. The Browns will be better than last year, but that is not saying much.
AFC South
1- Indianapolis
2- Jacksonville
3- Tennessee
4- Houston
The Colts will lock up the division by Thanksgiving with only a mild chase. Too many weapons for the best offense in football. The Jags will be in the playoff hunt but only for the wild card. Tennessee and Houston will fight it out for third place. If Houston can find a RB, they may take it. The only interesting story in Music City is when will Vince Young take over at QB (the answer is week 4).
AFC West
1- Denver
2- KC
3- San Diego
4- Oakland
I'm going to use this time to bag on the Raiders. I hope they enjoy the #1 pick in the '07 draft. The only thing worse than bringing in Jeff George a week before the season to tryout at QB only to cut him 5 days later is the notion that after 5 years off, the hugely talented but grossly underachieving signal caller could actually help them. Al Davis has truly lost his marbles. This team is a joke. I'm surprised they didn't bail Maurice Clarett out of jail so he could join the dysfunction.
NFC East
1- NY Giants
2- Washington
3- Dallas
4- Philadelphia
The Giants and Redskins can both win the division…I'll take NY because they have a better QB in Eli Manning. The Cowboys will implode around Thanksgiving with the T.O. circus (anyone want to bet, he gets suspended or kickoff the team). Philly is rebuilding but Donavan McNabb finally has a WR to throw to in Donte Stallworth.
NFC North
1- Chicago
2- Minnesota
3- Green Bay
4- Detroit
The Bears win the division by default. This is easily the crappiest division in football. If anyone other than the Bears hits the .500 mark in 2006, I will retire from sarcastic football prognostication (doubtful).
NFC South
1- Carolina
2- Tampa Bay
3- New Orleans
4- Atlanta
Carolina may be the best team in the NFC. Tampa Bay will have a strong running game, but their passing game leaves a lot to be desired. Drew Brees and Reggie Bush will make it interesting for Saints fans…they may go 8-8. Atlanta is the most overrated team in football…watch in glee the number of fans that jump off the Michael Vick bandwagon…look out belowwwwwwwww.
NFC West
1- Seattle
2- St. Louis
3- Arizona
4- San Francisco
Seattle has all the tools to return to the Big One. St. Louis will either be solid or a disaster…I can't decide which. Arizona will be a lot better with The Edge running the football (from da' U). Hope to see Matt Leinart this season. I want to pick them over the Rams, but they need to prove that they are not the same old Cards. The Niners will be a punching bag once again.
Playoffs
AFC
1- Pittsburgh
2- Indianapolis
3- Denver
4- Miami
5- Baltimore (wild card)
6- Jacksonville (wild card)
Indianapolis will beat Pittsburgh in the AFC Championship.
NFC
1- Seattle
2- Carolina
3- NY Giants
4- Chicago
5- Washington (wild card)
6- Tampa Bay (wild card)
Seattle beats Carolina in OT to win the NFC Championship.
Super Bowl XLI
Peyton Manning gets the monkey off his back with four touchdown passes as the Colts defeat the Seahawks 31-27.
Now go mow the lawn!
Do you smell that? No, not the three day old Meatloaf in the fridge…the other smell. Yes, my friends, that is the smell of football season. Time to forget the yard work, the leaky faucet, and the dirty garage. That stuff can all wait until after the Super Bowl (if not longer).
Since I don't have the time to be a fantasy football player and let's face it, neither of us will see every game this year, let me tell you how the season will go.
AFC East
1- Miami
2- New England
3- Buffalo
4- NY Jets
The Dolphins will have a solid season if Daunte Culpepper stays up right on his surgically repaired knee. He has great skills players around him too. Look for WR Chris Chambers to have a banner year and RB Ronnie Brown to establish himself as one of the best backs in the NFL. The Patriots have lost too many players in the off-season to reclaim their throne. The Bills may surprise people…remember the Rams and Pats were in the toilet the year before they won the Super Bowl. The Jets just down right stink. They may win a few games by accident.
AFC North
1- Pittsburgh
2- Baltimore
3- Cincinnati
4- Cleveland
The Steelers are the champs until proven otherwise. If Big Ben is fully recovered from his accident and the loss of his appendix, the Steelers may actually have a better season that last year. I'm a huge fan of Steve McNair and think moving to the Ravens will allow him to return to his old form. The Bengals will drop off despite the MVP season that Carson Palmer will have. There are not enough Chico's Bail Bonds locations in Cincy to make them a title contender. The Browns will be better than last year, but that is not saying much.
AFC South
1- Indianapolis
2- Jacksonville
3- Tennessee
4- Houston
The Colts will lock up the division by Thanksgiving with only a mild chase. Too many weapons for the best offense in football. The Jags will be in the playoff hunt but only for the wild card. Tennessee and Houston will fight it out for third place. If Houston can find a RB, they may take it. The only interesting story in Music City is when will Vince Young take over at QB (the answer is week 4).
AFC West
1- Denver
2- KC
3- San Diego
4- Oakland
I'm going to use this time to bag on the Raiders. I hope they enjoy the #1 pick in the '07 draft. The only thing worse than bringing in Jeff George a week before the season to tryout at QB only to cut him 5 days later is the notion that after 5 years off, the hugely talented but grossly underachieving signal caller could actually help them. Al Davis has truly lost his marbles. This team is a joke. I'm surprised they didn't bail Maurice Clarett out of jail so he could join the dysfunction.
NFC East
1- NY Giants
2- Washington
3- Dallas
4- Philadelphia
The Giants and Redskins can both win the division…I'll take NY because they have a better QB in Eli Manning. The Cowboys will implode around Thanksgiving with the T.O. circus (anyone want to bet, he gets suspended or kickoff the team). Philly is rebuilding but Donavan McNabb finally has a WR to throw to in Donte Stallworth.
NFC North
1- Chicago
2- Minnesota
3- Green Bay
4- Detroit
The Bears win the division by default. This is easily the crappiest division in football. If anyone other than the Bears hits the .500 mark in 2006, I will retire from sarcastic football prognostication (doubtful).
NFC South
1- Carolina
2- Tampa Bay
3- New Orleans
4- Atlanta
Carolina may be the best team in the NFC. Tampa Bay will have a strong running game, but their passing game leaves a lot to be desired. Drew Brees and Reggie Bush will make it interesting for Saints fans…they may go 8-8. Atlanta is the most overrated team in football…watch in glee the number of fans that jump off the Michael Vick bandwagon…look out belowwwwwwwww.
NFC West
1- Seattle
2- St. Louis
3- Arizona
4- San Francisco
Seattle has all the tools to return to the Big One. St. Louis will either be solid or a disaster…I can't decide which. Arizona will be a lot better with The Edge running the football (from da' U). Hope to see Matt Leinart this season. I want to pick them over the Rams, but they need to prove that they are not the same old Cards. The Niners will be a punching bag once again.
Playoffs
AFC
1- Pittsburgh
2- Indianapolis
3- Denver
4- Miami
5- Baltimore (wild card)
6- Jacksonville (wild card)
Indianapolis will beat Pittsburgh in the AFC Championship.
NFC
1- Seattle
2- Carolina
3- NY Giants
4- Chicago
5- Washington (wild card)
6- Tampa Bay (wild card)
Seattle beats Carolina in OT to win the NFC Championship.
Super Bowl XLI
Peyton Manning gets the monkey off his back with four touchdown passes as the Colts defeat the Seahawks 31-27.
Now go mow the lawn!
Thursday, July 20, 2006
I think I misquoted myself
Bloggin' wondering how you get misquoted in your own autobiography!
Terrell Owens published his second autobiography recently. Yes, I was shocked too to realize how someone who has done so little could have not one, but two autobiographies.
The beginning of the book states, "These are my own words". Apparently, the flap is over a piece in the book that references his comeback in the Super Bowl XXXIX as "heroic".
Just so T.O. and his handlers are clear, an autobiography is supposed to be by YOU and Owens then clarifies it further (in case we didn't know that it is written by him) that these are in fact his "own words".
Owens says that he did not say that. Because "it was one of the words that Jason used." Jason being Jason Rosehaus the "co-author" and brother of T.O's agent Drew Rosehaus. Terrell Owens' publicist denies that Owens was misquoted in his own autobiography.
So basically, T.O., Drew, Jason, and anyone else in the Owens camp are complete morons.
So what have we learned here kids. (1) That T.O. didn't proofread his own autobiography, (2) nepotism is alive in well, (3) only Owens is vain enough to milk more publicity out of a situation like this, and (4) we are a suckers (me mostly) for giving Owens more undeserved pub.
Here's hoping the first time he crosses the middle this year for the Cowboys that some Free Safety rings his bell and shuts him up.
Terrell Owens published his second autobiography recently. Yes, I was shocked too to realize how someone who has done so little could have not one, but two autobiographies.
The beginning of the book states, "These are my own words". Apparently, the flap is over a piece in the book that references his comeback in the Super Bowl XXXIX as "heroic".
Just so T.O. and his handlers are clear, an autobiography is supposed to be by YOU and Owens then clarifies it further (in case we didn't know that it is written by him) that these are in fact his "own words".
Owens says that he did not say that. Because "it was one of the words that Jason used." Jason being Jason Rosehaus the "co-author" and brother of T.O's agent Drew Rosehaus. Terrell Owens' publicist denies that Owens was misquoted in his own autobiography.
So basically, T.O., Drew, Jason, and anyone else in the Owens camp are complete morons.
So what have we learned here kids. (1) That T.O. didn't proofread his own autobiography, (2) nepotism is alive in well, (3) only Owens is vain enough to milk more publicity out of a situation like this, and (4) we are a suckers (me mostly) for giving Owens more undeserved pub.
Here's hoping the first time he crosses the middle this year for the Cowboys that some Free Safety rings his bell and shuts him up.
Friday, July 14, 2006
All-Star Edition
Reflecting on the Major League Baseball All-Star game wondering what Fay Vincent is doing these days.
I tuned into Home Run Derby for all of 30 seconds only to realize I already know what is going to happen. If we already know they are going to hit home runs, where is the element of surprise? A friend of mine said he watched because he wanted to see how far the ball went. Hmmmm. I think I would watch for that only if they got more points the farther it went. Maybe that would have been better when all the players were still juicing.
I too will jump on the bandwagon of those in the media ripping Manny for not attending the All-Star game. The fans did vote him in after all. Bad knee or not, he should at least show up. Worst of all, he still gets a bonus check for making the team. If you don't show, you should not get paid for it. How many years has he stiffed the All-Star game? Sadly, Bud Selig will do nothing about this. Can you imagine what would happen if Peyton Manning or Shaq pulled something like this? Next year, let's just leave Manny off the All-Star ballot so MLB doesn't get embarrassed again.
I liked the All-Star batting practice jerseys on Monday night. Putting each league in one of the Pirates primary colors was genius. Just when I thought baseball had things going in the right direction...BAM...they botch it up.
Call me naive but I thought on Tuesday when the All-Star game was played that they actually might have All-Star jerseys. Nope. I don't care if they wear their own pants and cap, but can we please take Manny's All-Star check and buy each team jerseys? I can see Derek Jeter in pinstrips 11 and a half months out of the year. Just one night it would be cool for him to play in a jersey representing his league!
I tuned into Home Run Derby for all of 30 seconds only to realize I already know what is going to happen. If we already know they are going to hit home runs, where is the element of surprise? A friend of mine said he watched because he wanted to see how far the ball went. Hmmmm. I think I would watch for that only if they got more points the farther it went. Maybe that would have been better when all the players were still juicing.
I too will jump on the bandwagon of those in the media ripping Manny for not attending the All-Star game. The fans did vote him in after all. Bad knee or not, he should at least show up. Worst of all, he still gets a bonus check for making the team. If you don't show, you should not get paid for it. How many years has he stiffed the All-Star game? Sadly, Bud Selig will do nothing about this. Can you imagine what would happen if Peyton Manning or Shaq pulled something like this? Next year, let's just leave Manny off the All-Star ballot so MLB doesn't get embarrassed again.
I liked the All-Star batting practice jerseys on Monday night. Putting each league in one of the Pirates primary colors was genius. Just when I thought baseball had things going in the right direction...BAM...they botch it up.
Call me naive but I thought on Tuesday when the All-Star game was played that they actually might have All-Star jerseys. Nope. I don't care if they wear their own pants and cap, but can we please take Manny's All-Star check and buy each team jerseys? I can see Derek Jeter in pinstrips 11 and a half months out of the year. Just one night it would be cool for him to play in a jersey representing his league!
I guess everything wasn't all bad during the All-Star break. Ozzie Guillen didn't insult anybody...that we know of!
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Still wish I was on vacation
Just sitting here wondering whatever happened to Shooter McGavin...Ok, that's a lie, I'm still thinking about being on a soap opera. Hey, at least I can admit to it. There is a 12-step program looking for me!
While in Florida, I had a chance to golf. I am a pretty crappy golfer but still hit the links. Early in the vacation, I played the course at the condo complex my father-in-law owns a unit in. Names of people, complexes, and courses have been hidden for security reasons (you understand later).
My father-in-law warned my brother-in-law and I that there was a ton of water on the course. I have a bad slice and of course most of the water is to the right so I needed to prep. Estimating that I would lose about 158 golf balls, I went to the store and picked up 30 Top Flite balls for $20.
The day started out with the guy at the pro shop telling me that my Greg Norman design mock neck GOLF shirt was not proper attire. This went over well with my wife who bought me the shirt for Father's Day and was the first time I had a chance to wear it. So, I took the 23 second drive back to the condo to get a collared shirt. Bad Karma followed...
Holding true to form, I put my first two shots on the 1st hole in the drink. I think I was on pace to shoot a 280 on a par 72 course. The real fireworks began on the 5th hole. No water to the right at the tee but there were condos. Do you see where this is going? I hit the roof of the condo. We freaked out and decided to head to the drop area.
Lost a few more balls, hit another condo (or two), and finished the round shooting a 141, almost double of par. In all, I lost 25 golf balls and hit 3 condos. My wife again was thrilled.
My brother-in-law and I went back out later in the week to a public course that was more on our level (see easier in the dictionary). I had my best triumph and a near disaster all in one day.
On the par 4 332-yard 11th hole, I used my brother-in-law's Nike driver to tee off (I know that goes against all golf etiquette but do you see that I needed the help). No water or condos on this hole so I promptly teed off and hammered a 264 yard drive straight down the fairway. We had a cart with GPS and tracked it. The longest drive of my life!!! I instantly offered to buy the driver but the deal could not be closed. I bogeyed the hole. Yes, it took me four shots to go the last 68 yards.
I continued to use the Nike driver which led to near tradegy. On the 13th hole, condos lined to the right. I wallop another big drive except this time, it's screaming toward the condos. Luckily, a palm tree slows it down a bit before I sent it on to someone's upstairs porch. May or may not have sent it through the Lanai. We are sure without the tree interference, the ball would have gone through the condo. We paused to see if we could hear anyone whimper in pain. Nothing so we scattered and I took a drop.
I shot a 120 on the day, hit 2 condos, and only lost 10 golf balls.
Ahhh, improvement! My wife is so proud!
While in Florida, I had a chance to golf. I am a pretty crappy golfer but still hit the links. Early in the vacation, I played the course at the condo complex my father-in-law owns a unit in. Names of people, complexes, and courses have been hidden for security reasons (you understand later).
My father-in-law warned my brother-in-law and I that there was a ton of water on the course. I have a bad slice and of course most of the water is to the right so I needed to prep. Estimating that I would lose about 158 golf balls, I went to the store and picked up 30 Top Flite balls for $20.
The day started out with the guy at the pro shop telling me that my Greg Norman design mock neck GOLF shirt was not proper attire. This went over well with my wife who bought me the shirt for Father's Day and was the first time I had a chance to wear it. So, I took the 23 second drive back to the condo to get a collared shirt. Bad Karma followed...
Holding true to form, I put my first two shots on the 1st hole in the drink. I think I was on pace to shoot a 280 on a par 72 course. The real fireworks began on the 5th hole. No water to the right at the tee but there were condos. Do you see where this is going? I hit the roof of the condo. We freaked out and decided to head to the drop area.
Lost a few more balls, hit another condo (or two), and finished the round shooting a 141, almost double of par. In all, I lost 25 golf balls and hit 3 condos. My wife again was thrilled.
My brother-in-law and I went back out later in the week to a public course that was more on our level (see easier in the dictionary). I had my best triumph and a near disaster all in one day.
On the par 4 332-yard 11th hole, I used my brother-in-law's Nike driver to tee off (I know that goes against all golf etiquette but do you see that I needed the help). No water or condos on this hole so I promptly teed off and hammered a 264 yard drive straight down the fairway. We had a cart with GPS and tracked it. The longest drive of my life!!! I instantly offered to buy the driver but the deal could not be closed. I bogeyed the hole. Yes, it took me four shots to go the last 68 yards.
I continued to use the Nike driver which led to near tradegy. On the 13th hole, condos lined to the right. I wallop another big drive except this time, it's screaming toward the condos. Luckily, a palm tree slows it down a bit before I sent it on to someone's upstairs porch. May or may not have sent it through the Lanai. We are sure without the tree interference, the ball would have gone through the condo. We paused to see if we could hear anyone whimper in pain. Nothing so we scattered and I took a drop.
I shot a 120 on the day, hit 2 condos, and only lost 10 golf balls.
Ahhh, improvement! My wife is so proud!
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