Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Forecasting the NFL Season

Bloggin' wondering whatever happened to me doing this once a week. What a freakin' slacker? How hard is it to make up crap about sports once a week. Ok, so I've been a bit lazy, but I'm coming back strong today....

Do you smell that? No, not the three day old Meatloaf in the fridge…the other smell. Yes, my friends, that is the smell of football season. Time to forget the yard work, the leaky faucet, and the dirty garage. That stuff can all wait until after the Super Bowl (if not longer).

Since I don't have the time to be a fantasy football player and let's face it, neither of us will see every game this year, let me tell you how the season will go.

AFC East

1- Miami
2- New England
3- Buffalo
4- NY Jets

The Dolphins will have a solid season if Daunte Culpepper stays up right on his surgically repaired knee. He has great skills players around him too. Look for WR Chris Chambers to have a banner year and RB Ronnie Brown to establish himself as one of the best backs in the NFL. The Patriots have lost too many players in the off-season to reclaim their throne. The Bills may surprise people…remember the Rams and Pats were in the toilet the year before they won the Super Bowl. The Jets just down right stink. They may win a few games by accident.

AFC North

1- Pittsburgh
2- Baltimore
3- Cincinnati
4- Cleveland

The Steelers are the champs until proven otherwise. If Big Ben is fully recovered from his accident and the loss of his appendix, the Steelers may actually have a better season that last year. I'm a huge fan of Steve McNair and think moving to the Ravens will allow him to return to his old form. The Bengals will drop off despite the MVP season that Carson Palmer will have. There are not enough Chico's Bail Bonds locations in Cincy to make them a title contender. The Browns will be better than last year, but that is not saying much.

AFC South

1- Indianapolis
2- Jacksonville
3- Tennessee
4- Houston

The Colts will lock up the division by Thanksgiving with only a mild chase. Too many weapons for the best offense in football. The Jags will be in the playoff hunt but only for the wild card. Tennessee and Houston will fight it out for third place. If Houston can find a RB, they may take it. The only interesting story in Music City is when will Vince Young take over at QB (the answer is week 4).

AFC West

1- Denver
2- KC
3- San Diego
4- Oakland

I'm going to use this time to bag on the Raiders. I hope they enjoy the #1 pick in the '07 draft. The only thing worse than bringing in Jeff George a week before the season to tryout at QB only to cut him 5 days later is the notion that after 5 years off, the hugely talented but grossly underachieving signal caller could actually help them. Al Davis has truly lost his marbles. This team is a joke. I'm surprised they didn't bail Maurice Clarett out of jail so he could join the dysfunction.

NFC East

1- NY Giants
2- Washington
3- Dallas
4- Philadelphia

The Giants and Redskins can both win the division…I'll take NY because they have a better QB in Eli Manning. The Cowboys will implode around Thanksgiving with the T.O. circus (anyone want to bet, he gets suspended or kickoff the team). Philly is rebuilding but Donavan McNabb finally has a WR to throw to in Donte Stallworth.

NFC North

1- Chicago
2- Minnesota
3- Green Bay
4- Detroit

The Bears win the division by default. This is easily the crappiest division in football. If anyone other than the Bears hits the .500 mark in 2006, I will retire from sarcastic football prognostication (doubtful).

NFC South

1- Carolina
2- Tampa Bay
3- New Orleans
4- Atlanta

Carolina may be the best team in the NFC. Tampa Bay will have a strong running game, but their passing game leaves a lot to be desired. Drew Brees and Reggie Bush will make it interesting for Saints fans…they may go 8-8. Atlanta is the most overrated team in football…watch in glee the number of fans that jump off the Michael Vick bandwagon…look out belowwwwwwwww.

NFC West

1- Seattle
2- St. Louis
3- Arizona
4- San Francisco

Seattle has all the tools to return to the Big One. St. Louis will either be solid or a disaster…I can't decide which. Arizona will be a lot better with The Edge running the football (from da' U). Hope to see Matt Leinart this season. I want to pick them over the Rams, but they need to prove that they are not the same old Cards. The Niners will be a punching bag once again.



1- Pittsburgh
2- Indianapolis
3- Denver
4- Miami
5- Baltimore (wild card)
6- Jacksonville (wild card)

Indianapolis will beat Pittsburgh in the AFC Championship.

1- Seattle
2- Carolina
3- NY Giants
4- Chicago
5- Washington (wild card)
6- Tampa Bay (wild card)

Seattle beats Carolina in OT to win the NFC Championship.

Super Bowl XLI
Peyton Manning gets the monkey off his back with four touchdown passes as the Colts defeat the Seahawks 31-27.

Now go mow the lawn!